Oh I hope I’m picked this year! I’m taller and my branches have never been so straight, strong and full. I’ve got to be picked this year! I have to be noticed this time.

I gaze out at my branches admiring myself and seeing I even stand taller than some of my other siblings. I rustle my branches gently to remove the snow on the needles and see that I bounce up just a bit more…

This HAS to be my year. It has to be! I must be picked. None of my other siblings are as tall or as strong as me. I’ve got to be chosen to go home with a family this year.

Every day men, women and children came through the forest searching for their perfect tree, and I stood tall and spread my branches out as far as I could making sure to be noticed. Slowly as the days went by, I noticed that our area was thinning out and I was still there. What was wrong with me? Why was I not picked? Was I not beautiful enough? Tall enough? Strong enough? Why would they keep passing me by?

I cried silently to myself as I noticed few and few people coming to the forest. At first, I stood tall and proud, basking in my magnificence but as the days went by I let the snow pile up on my branches till they bowed to the ground. What was the point of standing tall when no one noticed me anyway?

Soon the birds came and nestled close to my trunk and the other woodland animals came and curled up by my roots. They had never done this before. Why were they doing it now? I realized that every time I shook off my branches the snow would land on the ground below me and with my branches up the wind was chilly up against my trunk, but when I stopped doing that, the snow lowered my branches and I felt warmer and so did the birds and animals.

Perhaps this is where I am supposed to be and what I am meant to do. Maybe I needed to be here to protect those who can’t keep warm and safe on their own during the cold winter winds.

As I settled into what I believed was my purpose I saw an old man slowly making his way towards me. He was alone, carrying an axe.

Was this my day? Was this my time? Would this be my day to be cut down and I finally get to bring Christmas Magic to a family, all decked out in ornaments and lights while they laughed and shouted over the holidays? Was he really coming to me or like so many before him, just walk around me to another tree behind me? I started to shake, then stopped. What about the creatures that came to me at night for warmth and protection? What would happen to them if I was gone?

I was torn between these two worlds that I so desired. Perhaps he wasn’t coming for me. I mean so many times people would walk towards me and then just keep going. No I wouldn’t think about it. I’d just wait and watch.

Soon I felt something sharp on my trunk. Wait! He was here for me! This was it! Oh the joy! Oh the happiness I’d bring to a family this holiday.

As the old man hacked at my trunk with his axe I trembled with anticipation, a bit of fear and did I dare hope?

Suddenly I gave way and landed with a soft thud in the snow. I was excited… then horror came over me as I felt one by one my branches giving way from my trunk. “NO!!!!” I silently screamed! “How can I hold all the beautiful ornaments or even the lights if you take my strong branches?”

Then the top of me was gone. Leaving the thickest part of me empty and alone. The old man huffing now, came with the axe on his shoulder and picked my trunk up then dragged me through the forest slowly towards his pickup.

I couldn’t believe I was really leaving the forest. After all my years of wishing, praying and hoping it was finally my turn. But not like this! I was mortified. What good was I to anyone now? Branches gone and all my beautiful lush green needles.

I silently mourned my loss. Oh, the shame. How could I ever hold my head up high now?

Once we got to the old man’s home, he took me out and dragged me to the back where another building stood.

I was so terrified now. What was he going to do to me there? Why didn’t he take me to his home? How I wished I could call out. But silently I waited while he unlocked the big door and turned on the light.

As he pulled me into the shed, I saw the Beast! It was huge! Cold metal with big teeth! I was trembling now, even more. If I’d had needles they would have fallen off, I’m sure.

Soon my bark was gone. Then I was cut into small flat pieces! Oh, the horror! I just couldn’t imagine how I had gone from such a majestic tall tree to pieces of… what? On his workbench. What good was I to anyone like this?

When the gentleman was gone that first night, I lay on his bench where he’d left me, crying in shame, feeling ugly and lonely. This was not what I’d imagined or planned. This wasn’t what I’d wanted when I’d daydreamed about coming to a home for Christmas. I missed my woodland friends and the other lovely trees in my forest. How could I have thought I would be better off in someone’s home for the holidays? Why couldn’t I have been happy where I was?

All night as I waited for what the old man would do to me next, I cried my silent, lonely, terrified tears.

Morning came and the sun started shining through the window, lighting up the room I was in.

I started to look around. I saw many things in here I’d never noticed yesterday. The smells in here startled me. Why hadn’t I noticed these things before?

We had gone from the shed with all the big scary machines to this little workshop filled with smaller machines, hand tools and having on the walls were shelves of paints, stains and all kinds of boxes, holding who knows what in them. I was curious but wasn’t ready to find out just yet what was in them. Where was I exactly and what did he plan to do with me?

I just wanted to spend Christmas in a home filled with love and laughter, holding the pretty ornaments, and decked out in twinkling lights. But instead, I was here in this cold sawdust, paint smelling place instead, stripped of my bark, cut up and scattered on this bench to be shaped into who knows what!

The door creaked open and the old man came in holding a steaming cup of coffee in his gnarled hands.

He turned on the light, put down his cup and went to light the wood stove in the center of the room before turning to me.

Over the next few days the same things happened. Cut, chisel, cut, glue, sanding and rubbing.

I was started to love the feel of his calloused hands on my pieces as he checked and rechecked every line and curve and as he assembled me, he got close to me and eyed every place I was put together as if to make sure I was perfect.

He never spoke to me. I didn’t think he could talk. I mean I’d never heard his voice. Was it rough like his hands or soft like the whiskers from his beard?

I felt the whiskers many times tickle my wood pieces as he leaned in close to eye this line or that curve. But never a word from him.

He spent hours with me and at first, I was terrified because of the loud machines and the stripping and cutting that went on. Soon the days came where only the sound of the chisel on my wood core and the crackling of the fire could be heard.

The day came when he took out the paint. Oh! What beautiful colors he was adding to me! What possibilities went through my thoughts as I wondered what I was.

I mean, I was given legs! And I had a neck and a head! I swayed back and forth gently as he pushed on my head. Yes! I had been turned into something magnificent! I was sure of it.

How I wish I could se myself. Unlike my time in the woods where I could bow and see all of me. Here I couldn’t move unless he did it.

Slowly the colors were put on me. My face first then my neck and the rest of my body. I was given such beautiful colors. When the paint was dry, he added black wool to my neck and I got a long tail! Wow! I must look a sight.

After he cleaned up, turned out the light and closed the door, I was left standing there wondering what happened. It was still light outside and he never leaves while it’s light out. What now? I was so confused.

The next day the old man didn’t come to see me until later in the day. I was frantic because this wasn’t like him! He was carrying a big box this time and no coffee. I loved the smell of coffee with sawdust. It smelled safe. Why didn’t he have coffee?

I silently watched as he put the box down beside me and opened it. Lifting out something that smelled rather funny to me. I had a vague memory of this smell but wasn’t sure from where. Was this for me? It was big and looked heavy. Gently the old man turned to me with it in his hands and then placed it right on me! It didn’t hurt. It was a bit heavy but I was strong enough to carry it. It was beautiful!

Smiling now the old man attached the leathery feeling thing to my back then he stood back with his hands behind his back and nodded. Smiling even more now, he turned and took out something long and made clanking noises. He placed it over my face and the long straps went around my neck towards the other thing that I had on my back.

Once more he stood back and just looked at me. Then I heard him speak for the first time. “You are finished.” His voice startled me. It was deep, rough and oh so gentle. He spoke with pride and I could tell he really was happy with me. I felt radiant. Whatever I looked like didn’t matter because he was happy.

Now I could go in the house and bring joy to everyone. Right? I was going to be part of the celebrations for sure now. But he just quietly turned out the light and closed the door.

The next morning bright and early he came in and picked me up. Putting me in the back of his truck, carefully, then covered me with a bright red and white blanket. Where was I going? I couldn’t see! I started to panic a bit as I felt the bounce of the road under us while we drove. Why was the always happening to me? Why was I going from one safe place to another and never stay in one place?

We drove for a while. I bumped along in the back of the truck as he drove. Finally, he stopped, and the truck was silent. I waited. He took the blanket off me and picked me up. Turning he walked us towards the door. This didn’t look like any house I’d imagined. Where were we?

He put me down before opening the door where I heard a bell chime then picked me up once more and carried me carefully into the room. He put me down by the window close to the door and turned on the lights. That’s when it felt like magic happened. I was next to the most beautiful tree in the window that I’d ever seen. It lit up with twinkling lights and the ornaments reflected the lights to make it even more stunning. I was so envious of its beauty. How I wanted to be that tree.

The rest of the room came into focus slowly as I heard unusual sounds like whistles blowing and saw all kinds of wonderful things. They were all toys! Wooden toys like me! There was a dollhouse on the back wall and trains on a table between us with trucks and animals of all different shapes scattered around. What a wonderful place this was.

I listened as I heard the old man bustle around. Taking off his coat, hat, scarf and turn on a few more things. Then I heard music! I heard Christmas music. I’d never heard it before, at least not like this. I remember families singing together or couples whistling as they wandered below me in the forest. This was even more beautiful to hear.

I thought I’d missed Christmas because it had felt like forever in his workshop but here, I was in the middle of the most amazing magical place and it was still Christmas.

As time went on, people came in and out of the store. Talking, laughing and some of the children crying as they left. Towards the end of another day here I noticed fewer and fewer of the toys were still here.

Was this happening again? I was being overlooked for something else. What was wrong with me? Oh, sure I had lots of little ones coming over to me to sit on me, pull my main and run their sticky hands on my rockers but I never went home with any of them. Christmas was coming and no one wanted me. I still wasn’t good enough to go to a forever home.

The old sad, lonely feelings from the forest days were starting to creep over me. Gently the old man would wipe me down and clean me up at the end of every day which made me feel a bit better, but still I knew this wasn’t home.

Soon I knew Christmas was over because the tree was taken down after all the beautiful decorations were removed and lights taken off its branches. I couldn’t hear the Christmas music any longer either, but other songs came on that I didn’t know.

As the year went by, the children reached for my mane less and less and the old man didn’t wipe me down as often.

Time passed and I couldn’t keep track of all the holidays or even what season it was. The store temperature never changed. Valentines came and the hearts and flowers were here for a bit, then St Patrick’s day we were all so green! I saw pictures go up of fireworks and circus animals. Halloween was a hoot and so was Thanksgiving. But nothing felt like Christmas to me.

Then one day the old man came in with another beautiful tree! Christmas had come back! Soon the decorations were up, lights everywhere and I even got a big red bow this year. But the best part was the Christmas music. It’s my favorite part, filled with sounds of hope, promises, love and best of all… magic.

Days went by and the shop was busier than ever. Still, no one wanted me, why? I had a beautiful bow! I was shiny and my saddle and all my parts where polished, soft, and inviting. What was wrong with me? Was I never going to find a forever home? Someone to love me and me love them back? Was the store my forever home?

 Sure, the toys around me were lovely and fun to watch, but they were always changing. Never here as long as I had been.

Then one evening before the old man closed the store a younger man came in. He went to the counter and spoke quietly with the old man. After a bit they shook hands, and I heard the bell from the old cash register ding. He slowly turned and faced… me. With a slow smile he walked towards me. His eyes sparkled with excitement. Did I dare hope? Did I dare believe I was going to a new home? Someone finally wanted to love me?

As I was lifted up, I felt a shiver run through me. I was so excited and yet I felt sad too. Looking at the old man walking behind us, I wondered if this would be the last time I would see him. Would he miss me? I knew I would miss him. He’d been so kind, gentle and took such good care of me. I couldn’t even thank him! I hope he knew how I felt, somehow.

Once I was placed in the back of the truck the old man came over and gently stroked my mane and patted my head before covering me up with my blanket. He knew, I was sure of it.

I rocked ever so slightly as he and the man closed the back. I wanted to believe this was it. I was finally getting my Christmas Magic.

As we travelled a great distance this time, it felt like, thoughts kept me busy. Where were we going? What would it be like? Who would be there? Would I be happy? Would they be happy with me? Would they like me, even without my branches and beautiful needles? Would they want me forever? Only time would tell, I knew, but I still couldn’t quiet my thoughts.

We arrived at our destination and the truck turned off. I heard the crunch of snow under the man’s feet as he walked around to where I was. I shivered in anticipation and from the chill in the air, as he took off the blanket. I could see the house for the first time.

Only the porch light was on from the looks of it. Looked like no one was home. He lifted me carefully from the truck bed and slowly trudged towards the steps and up on the deck. Before we even made it to the door it opened. Wow, that was magical. Until I saw a young woman standing there waiting with her robe and slippers on. She must have been in bed. Was it really so late?

I was carried into the living room where the only light on was from the beautiful, majestic Christmas tree in the corner by the fireplace. I was placed near them both with a perfect view of the room.

It was cozy with the soft glow from the tree and I could see that there must be children living here because of the few scattered toys around the room and some even under the tree. I was too busy watching the young couple as they stood arm in arm looking at me, to see too much of anything else in the room. They were talking in hushed tones as if afraid to speak too loudly. Were they happy with me? I couldn’t tell.

They turned together and went up the stairs, leaving me alone with the tree in the living room. Confused, frightened, curious too, and even a bit hopeful of what was to come next.

Morning came with the thumping of little feet on the stairs and a sudden squeal followed but complete silence.

I waited with a tremble and dared not look up, for fear I’d be a disappointment. Ever so softly a tiny hand reached out to touch my satin smooth finish and wooly mane. I heard a gasp and then the biggest little hug I had ever had came.

I looked into those deep brown eyes and instantly knew love, real love, safe love. I was really home.

From that Christmas day forward, I was never too far away from her. We played for hours while she was little and as soon as she was old enough for school, I’d waited impatiently for her to come home and tell me all about her days, her friends and friends. I like to think I even helped her with her homework on occasion. She would lay beside me working, talking on the phone or just talking to me. I knew all her secrets. Her sand times, stories she’d created, laughter and most of all, feel her love.

Time went on and one day she came home from school with a blue and gold long robe. She put the matching hat on my head and laughed. Oh how it warmed my heart to hear her laugh.

She told me that day that she was going away soon, for a while but would come to visit when she could.

I didn’t understand. Why was she going away? Why couldn’t I go with her? I know it had been years since she sat on my back, but I still loved her! She was part of my world and I thought I was part of hers too. Now she’s’ saying goodbye?

Where do I go now? What will become of me?

As the days went by, I watched her and her parents pack her room, leaving me in my usual spot with a few other toys and boxes she wasn’t needing.

It finally came. She was leaving the room and stopped in the doorway. I could have sworn she heard my silent scream of “NO!” because she turned and dropped the things in her hands as she came to kneel beside me and wrap her arms one more time around my neck.

“I’ll miss you. But I promise I will be back for you someday.” Then she was gone.

Days turned into weeks and soon I couldn’t tell what season it was any longer. She came home less and less often. When she was home I saw her briefly first thing when she’d give me a hug hello and lastly when she’d come pat my head before leaving.  No more secrets, no more jokes, no more sharing. I was alone.

Time went on and my paint had really started to flake over the years and fade from around my neck when she use to hug me. My mane and tail were ugly and old. Mice had started taking bits of it for their nests. My saddle and reigns were stiff and no longer pretty and shiny.

I was so sad. I had lost that Christmas Magic from so long ago. I really felt the loss today as I watch the snow falling outside the window. I hadn’t seen my friend in a very long time. I couldn’t even hear laughter downstairs or voices across the hall. I felt I had been forgotten.

I wish I could go back to the old man in his store. He would love me again, wouldn’t he?

The door opened at this point of my sorrows and a young man, I had never seen before came in and picked me up. Taking me downstairs and outside! Oh no! Where was I going now? Was this the end? I’d heard stories but I couldn’t believe that I’d end up in one of those furnaces.

He put me in the back of his pickup, and we were off! Wait! Where is my blanket! This can’t be good if I’m not covered in my blanket! I never went anywhere without my blanket.

I was in full panic now. Fields, fences, trees were flying by us as we drove down the road. I heard vehicles wiz by every once in a while, but it was getting dark and hard to see where we were going.

What was going to become of me? Who was this man? Why did he take me from my home? Finally he slowed then turned. We were on a long driveway. I could see a house coming up not too far off in the distance now. It seemed familiar somehow. Was this?… No! It couldn’t be! Could it?

We stopped in front of the house and the young man got out of the truck as the front door opened. Slowly an old man with a walking cane came out and walked down the steps. It was him! It was my maker!

The old man came slowly to where I was in the back of the truck. His beard was longer and pure white like the snow. He had glasses on too that were perched on the end of his nose. He looked different but I’d recognize the smell of him anywhere. Sawdust and coffee. He stroked my head and ran his hands over part of my body and along my rails. He looked thoughtful. I felt embarrassed by how I must look to him. I was ugly. I’m sure he was disappointed.

The two men walked a bit towards the porch and were speaking softly. Then shaking hands, the young man came back and lifted me out of the truck and carried me to the workshop.

I was a bit confused but still had hope. For what I didn’t know. Just hoped for a bit more Christmas Magic in my life, at least one more time.

I was placed on the work bench where I had begun this journey so long again then the young man turned and closed the door. Leaving me in the dark to wonder.

Morning came with the sound of feet shuffling in the snow as the light from the dawn started coming through the window. I heard the creak of the door and then the smell. Coffee!

The old man went about taking off my saddle and reigns and all of the wool from my mane and tail, throwing everything in the garbage. What was he doing? What was his plans? Then he opened a can and oh my goodness that didn’t smell right! What was that?!? Soon all my beautiful paint was off and I was down to bare wood again.

The smell was awful, and I wondered why I didn’t have to wear the same thing he did over his face to keep that smell out. At least I was grateful for the door being open, but it was chilly, even with the fire blasting in the stove. When he was finished, he cleaned up and put everything away then left me alone, again.

The next day he was back early and started sanding me down and cleaning up all the chips, dents and groves in my frame. Soothing me out as best he could, I’m sure. Next came more paint. I was getting a new coat? Oh the joy!  What did this mean? Was I going back to the store? Was I going to see my old friend again? Was I going to a new home? Would I stay with the old man this time?

Soon I was shiny and new again. He even replaced my mane and tail with soft grey wool this time. I felt beautiful, but something was missing.

He left that afternoon and returned later with another gentleman carrying a box. I tingled with anticipation. The last box had the most beautiful leather saddle in it. Would this box have the same? Slowly he opened the box and with the help of the other gentleman they lifted out the most beautiful light brown and grey saddle I had ever seen. This one had tassels on it and gold buckles. The other pieces for my head matched perfectly.

I thought I couldn’t look more beautiful before, but I’m sure I was even more so now.

Once I was put back together, the fellow picked me up and together with the old man, we went to the pickup.

One more ride. To wherever would-be home. I couldn’t hope for the same love as I had before, could I? Maybe if I just asked to make some one happy and I could be safe and happy too.

II was covered with my old blanket and I sighed silently. I settled in for the journey.

My thoughts were strangely quiet, and I just allowed myself the feeling of gratitude. Time with the old man again, feeling his love and affection one more time. The years I had with my friend and watching her grow up. My life really had been blessed, more than when I was first found and cut down in the forest. And to think I wanted to be a Christmas tree. As if that was the perfect life.

We stopped and the back of the truck opened. My blanket didn’t come off this time. Strange… But I was just settling in to see what would happen next. I’d had a good life and I was ready for whatever was next, no matter what that looked like. I would accept it as it came.

I was put down on something soft, then the blanket was lifted. This wasn’t my old home! This was somewhere new. But felt familiar somehow.

I looked around and couldn’t help the warmth that spread over me as I saw the Christmas tree lit up by the window. It was Christmas!

I felt strong arms encircle my neck. Wait… she smelled familiar. Like cinnamon and hot chocolate. Like home. IT was my girl! She was all grown up and she hadn’t forgotten me! She was here now hugging me and crying, saying, “Welcome home!”

Then 2 little hands tentatively reached over and touched my mane. I heard a soft little, “Oh!” and felt tears running down my neck as little chubby arms wrapped themselves around my neck and a tiny little face buried itself in my mane.

Christmas magic is real. I know because I was home, again.